Here’s the schedule you get to look forward to!
7:30 am: Wake up. Turn on coffee-maker to warm two-day old pot. Snooze alarm.
7:50 am: Shower, dress in whatever the fuck you want. Upload New York Times Front Page Daily Podcast onto Ipod (no time or money for real paper). Walk to class.
8:30 – 10:00 am: Accounting. Taught in the dark because nobody can figure out the A/V in the room. Learn important financial skills, like how to manipulate corporate earnings.
10:00 – 3:00: Begin writing paper in defense of American hegemony. Actively hate life. Be sure to wear ear-plugs to prevent soul-leakage… you’re going to need to leverage that sucker later.
3:00 – 4:00 : Wait to speak with TA about paper.
4:00 – 4:15 : Propose thoughts on topic, be advised such a thesis is either “completely unsustainable or utter genius,” leave more confused and directionless than you were coming in.
4:15 – 7:30 : Read through 800 pages of course materials to find quotes that support your “utter genius.” Fail miserably. Concede intellectual mediocrity, lower expectations to B+.
7:30: Blog about active hatred of life.
7:45: Realize you haven’t eaten anything. Too late…
8:00 – 10:00 : Statistics Midterm Review
10:00 – 10:30: Walk home. Stop by “USA #1!” deli, order egg and cheese sandwich for $2.00 (it’s all you can afford because you didn’t do any work for your job today).
10:30 – 3:00am: Work on paper. Begin hateful process of citations.
Rinse, Wash, Repeat.
3 responses so far ↓
nicoleantoinette // October 26, 2007 at 12:21 am |
i’m applying to grad school right now. i’m going to pretend you’re just kidding, haha.
John // October 26, 2007 at 2:14 pm |
That pretty accurately describes it. Here are my year and half worth of grad observations:
- Grad school is overrated. Walker Percy, a southern writer, says the two most overrated things in life are sexual intercourse and the Johns Hopkins University. Substitute whatever school you’d like in the phrase, it still holds true.
- We’re dumber than we’d like to admit. It’s rather humbling. At the same time, we’re also more educated than most of our peers (being that 5-10% of the population goes to grad school).
- Finding a thesis niche is tough. I had to adjust my topic several times to find that blank spot that research hadn’t covered.
- Do you ever wonder how some kids got into grad school? I often I wonder how I did (admission rate is less than 20%), but some of my classmates really fail to impress me.
Rohit // October 28, 2007 at 4:53 pm |
First, hating life is the only way to live. I’m glad you have joined the club. Second, citations are likely the greatest source of existential angst on this planet. The fact that I have slowly, but surely acquired a reputation as someone who is “good” at citations makes me want to terminate my existence. Third, propagating American hegemony is the sole purpose of attending graduate school—and your soul was taken from you the minute you signed your name to a promissory note.