Snarky Behavior

Andy Rooney on: Umbrellas!

February 6, 2008 · 3 Comments

The other night my friends and I caught an episode of 60 minutes, and for the first time in probably 10 years watched Andy Rooney pontificate on what’s important to him:  Umbrellas.

Allowing for the fact that Andy Rooney probably jumped the shark some 20 years ago, and ran out of fresh material (at least) 10 years later, this commentary screams “Alzheimers.”  I’m no agist, but Rooney needs to be put out to pasture.

On one level, it’s sad that the 60 minutes franchise keeps trotting out Rooney as its closer.  Some people were just not meant for a high definition age, and Rooney headlines that list, along with Barbara Walters and Rudy Giulliani. and  But on another level, his unintentional comedy is unrivaled.  So I’m going to start analyzing some of his 60 minute pieces on youtube.

Let’s deconstruct some of his gems on umbrellas:

The umbrella is one of man’s greatest inventions.

On first take, it seems Rooney mailed this week in.  It was raininig, he didn’t have any ideas, so he took the “let’s appreciate something we take for granted” approach.  As a lazy person myself, I can’t hate on this technique.

However, I think that Rooney really isn’t aware of other MAJOR inventions that shape the way the rest of us live.  It’s not apparent that he’s even aware what broadcast television is.

Someone needs to sit Rooney down Austin Powers style and have him watch tapes of the last 30 years.  Start with floppy disks, and eventually show him the iPhone.  Then he can talk excitedly about the possibilities of the internets.

“For example… I’d be lost without elastic bands.”

What does Andy Rooney depend on elastic bands for?  Keeping his catheter attached?  Putting his hair up on long runs?  Rolling his drug money?  What a weird thing to survive on.

“Even the Reverend Al Sharpton gets wet when it rains.”

I’m sorry, did you just accuse Al Sharpton of smoking PCP?  Seems like a good rainy day activity.

“An umbrella is a one man job.” 

Wasn’t it Rooney who originally coined the phrase:  “A hand job’s a man’s job… yo’ job’s a blow job”?

… and so on.

I just looked up a search on Rooney… there’s some great videos out there.  This is going to make for a great running segment when I don’t have anything else to write on.

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3 responses so far ↓

  • X // February 6, 2008 at 5:10 pm | Reply

    I have never understood the appeal. Not interesting. Not funny. Not educational. Just annoying. A few years ago he did a piece on vans, and how vans were so popular and he didn’t understand why. They were so big. And they guzzled gas. And you couldn’t put it in a garage. (B-roll of him trying to fit a van into a detached garage from the 40’s.) Now, mind you, he wasn’t driving a Minivan. Or even an SUV. He was driving an effing trade industry Ford E-Series which pretty much no one drives but painters, plumbers, and kidnappers. I stood there, sort of awestruck at the stupidity of the piece and said. “Just RETIRE” like he could hear me.

  • Jon // February 7, 2008 at 12:23 am | Reply

    No really. He’s a crotchety Seinfeld, only not funny.

  • Maya // February 7, 2008 at 8:38 pm | Reply

    I just laughed out loud at work–which doesnt happen in this office. Unreal. Reminds me of listening to Peter Frampton ramble between songs at the Greek Theater, I think he has alzheimers. Sometimes I see the argument for forced retirement…

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