Snarky Behavior

Embarrassing Conversations

June 12, 2008 · 1 Comment

Filed Under:  Conversations that, had they hypothetically occurred last night, would have been tremendously embarrassing.

[Outside Patio at Wonderland Ballroom]

Me:  I could totally live in a van for 9 months.  Think about how much money I would save!  Almost ten grand!

Friend:  But what if you wanted to take a shower?

Me:  I’m already paying for gym access to Columbia, I could wake up early every morning, go the the gym, shower, brush my teeth, and be good to go!

Friend:  But what if you got home after the gym closed and you needed to shower?

Me:  The gym is open until like midnight, I’d be fine.

Friend:  But what if you pooed your pants?

Me:  I’ve only pooed my pants one time in the last 15 years, that risk is pretty small.  I mean, small enough where I shouldn’t be making long-term decisions based around it.

Friend:  That’s a misleading statement.  It makes it sound like the last time you pooed your pants was when you were ten.

Me:  No, I pooed my pants all the time when I was ten.  I’m just saying since then, I’ve only pooed my pants once.  [Notices eavesdropping girl on sidewalk, unlocking bike from fence.]  Not that I’m particularly proud of that time of my life.  Or the time last year when I pooed my pants…. [awkward silence]… I’m going to get another beer.

[Eavesdropping girl on sidewalk, to Friend]:  Are you going to still talk to that guy?

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1 response so far ↓

  • Matt Foley // June 12, 2008 at 3:55 pm | Reply

    Just park your van down by the river. That way you can just jump in when you poo your pants. I’m not saying you WILL poo your pants, I’m just saying that being in a van, down by the river might give you (and your friend, who raised the concern in the first place) a little peace of mind.

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