Snarky Behavior

Entries tagged as ‘about me’

No. F’ing. Way.

August 7, 2008 · 3 Comments

I recently found a phishy e-mail in my work account’s inbox.  I forwarded it to our HR rep, who then sent out an office wide “DO NOT CLICK ON THIS E-MAIL” message, just to be safe.

Since my name was attached to the forward, I of course got the requisite heckling from my co-workers:  “With the porn again?” … “You dirty bird.  Where have you been surfing?

Well, I’d like to clear this up once and for all.  I found a site that analyzes your browsing history in order to hazard a guess as to your gender.  HERE ARE MY RESULTS:

Likelihood of you being FEMALE is 84%
Likelihood of you being MALE is 16%

Site Male-Female Ratio
google.com 0.98
yahoo.com 0.9
msn.com 0.92
myspace.com 0.74
youtube.com 1
ebay.com 1.11
amazon.com 0.9
craigslist.org 1.13
facebook.com 0.83
cnn.com 1.35
wordpress.com 0.98
flickr.com 1.15
weather.com 1.08
nytimes.com 1.13
monster.com 0.82
digg.com 1.56
typepad.com 0.94
simplyhired.com 0.77
urbandictionary.com 1.13
sprint.com 0.77
sprintpcs.com 0.74
americanexpress.com 0.98
linkedin.com 0.94
cbsnews.com 1.17
citicards.com 0.9
ikea.com 0.67
state.gov 1.02
lifehacker.com 1.63
rottentomatoes.com 1.17
zimbio.com 1.13
salliemae.com 0.63
salon.com 1.13
feedburner.com 1.11
columbia.edu 0.87
annualcreditreport.com 0.74
jetblue.com 0.79
gawker.com 1.17
zazzle.com 0.75
theonion.com 1.2
newyorker.com 1.22
blogcatalog.com 1.13
picnik.com 0.5
smartdraw.com 0.87
americanapparel.net 0.89
hsbcdirect.com 1.27
nature.org 0.75

PLEASE TELL ME WHICH ONE OF THOSE SITES PUTS ME ON A SPAM SITE IN PANAMA.

I am inclined to look at porn if only to assert my masculinity to above 50%.

Categories: work
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Aspirational Goal

July 31, 2008 · Leave a Comment

To be a first page Google hit for the search term “snarky.”  Right now I’m page 2, #16 overall.  This post should help.

EDIT:

I’m third page, #25 overall on Yahoo! and third page, #21 overall on MSN.  And here’s an interesting article on the history of snark*.

Categories: Snarky
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My Shower Story

July 30, 2008 · 1 Comment

This morning I shaved in the shower, as I tend to do.

I like to multitask in the shower.  I am a devout follower of the triple-S method and sometimes, when I’m feeling especially friviolous, I go for the four S’.  Incidentally, I also like to hang my shirts in the bathroom while I shower, to steam out some of the wrinkles.

The obvious problem of shaving in the shower is that you’re doing it blind, sans mirror.  This can result in terribly uneven sideburns.  The benefit is that you’re in a steamy environment and suffer less razor burn. So I can live with lopsided burns if it means less bumps on my neck.

Anyway, today as I was walking to work, I grazed my hand over my face to double-check the shave, and I noticed a small patch I had missed –directly above my upper lip.  When I checked in the side-view mirror of the nearest parked car, the “look” was quite familiar:

Way to ruin this for the rest of us, Hitler.

Way to ruin this for the rest of us, Hitler.

Now, if Hitler hadn’t ever tried to take over Europe and exterminated 6 million Jews, I might have been able to shrug it off and march on my merry way to work.  As it was, I had to backtrack all the way home for one additional swipe of the razor.

Way to ruin it for the rest of us, Hitler.

Categories: work
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New Facebook

July 22, 2008 · 2 Comments

Last week I mentioned that the 2 fundamental rules of the internet are that 1.) People do not like change, and 2.) If there is change, people will complain.

Well, it looks like facebook is challenging those rules, giving itself a “facelift.”

The roll-out for this is slow, so you may not have the upgrade available for you yet.  Massive data transfers put a strain on the server, and slow-rollouts tend to generate more buzz.  Here’s a screenshot of the new facebook:

new facebook page

new facebook page

I like the new home-page and the stylistic fidelity to streamlined simplicity and space.  I’m not super excited about the breakdown of a single page into several tabs, but I’m sure it will grow on me.  This will cause facebooks’ clicks per visit numbers to shoot through the roof, I’m sure.

Categories: Neato
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How the Existence of “Big Brother 10″ Proves I’m Not a Populist

July 16, 2008 · 4 Comments

Since I consider myself both a partial-consumer and full-time observer of mass American culture, I like to think that, at any given moment, I have a thumb pretty close to the pulse of what’s popular in the United States.

This is not to say that I read US Weekly diligently, or watch American Idol.  Only that I know that such things exist; have engaged with them enough to understand them; and appreciate that they and the contents within are massively popular across a broad audience.

Every so often, however, I learn something about my country that really knocks me off my kilter.  Most recently, it was that the show “Big Brother” has been on a major television network for 10 freaking seasons(!!!)

Now, while I’ve heard of the show, I don’t understand its premise, and I’ve never watched it.  Moreover, I cannot recall ever having a conversation with a single friend who has watched the show.  I have friends who watch pure crap — Gossip Girl, Tila Tequila, The Hills, The Bachelorette, Bad Girls Club– I’ve even known people who watched Survivor well into its dying years (is that still on the air?)  But nowhere within my six degrees of separation do I know a single person who watches Big Brother.

(Note: this is not an exaggeration.  I just did an advanced profile search on facebook and not one of my 358 “friends” has Big Brother listed as a TV show he or she watches.  I’m sure we’d find similar results with The Mole, but that’s another post entirely).

My larger point here is that no matter how well I may think I know/understand the people of the country in which I live, the simple truth is that I really don’t.

I mean, insofar as I am a student of economics, I implicitly understand that individuals have divergent preferences, and markets emerge to meet these preferences.  And within markets, there are competitors who fight to capture market share by best meeting the majority of consumer preferences, or at a least a segment of the market.

What I don’t understand is why anyone would use Hotmail before Yahoo, or Yahoo before Google.  Google is demonstrably better, it offers more space, it crashes less often, it has an embedded chat, it comes with a suite of other products, etc.  In my mind, Google should own 100% of the market in terms of e-mail service, because 100% of consumers should recognize that it’s a superior product in an environment where virtually all options are free.  What baffles me is people continue to choose inferior products.  Why?  Why is that?

A few months ago I wrote about how Tide was the preferred detergent of most people, even though detergent seemed like a fairly consistent commodity and Tide was always the most expensive brand.  One consumer researcher stated that the less pricey competitor Gain was “the experiential and fragrance brand, and had strong ethnic performance.”

I have two theories here:

1.)  Is a  matter of education.  Education means critical and analytical thinking, including the ability to distinguish and appreciate levels of value.  People who are better educated have “more taste,” as it were… or at least know how/when to differentiate between a product that is worthwhile versus one that is cheap/crap.

2.)  The second is consumer behavior.  People who live on a tighter budget instinticively learn to gravitate to the products that inherently seem cheaper.  (Note:  this theory is based on my-friends-who-shall-remain-nameless who squeal with delight over any/alloffers from the following restuarants:  Olive Garden, Taco Bell, Bob Evans.) They are not concerned with value, per se, only attracted to the least costly option… and this mentality carries through even when the product choices are free/no cost to the consumer.

Anyway, my larger point is, again, I don’t get it, which I think means I’m not the populist I like to make myself out to be.  I’m still voting for Obama though.

PS…If you like thinking about consumer choice, you’ll love this TED Talk by Malcolm Gladwell:

Categories: Opinion
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Frankly, I find this to be offensive…

July 14, 2008 · 3 Comments

What are you implying, facebook?

Categories: Snarky
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Fun with Font

July 11, 2008 · 1 Comment

My boss sent me an e-mail this morning to “Fontifier,” a web-site that scans in your handwriting and outputs it as your very own font.  The kid in me said “you should stay on task,” but the adult onset ADD in me said “MAKE THIS NOW!!!!”

So introducing… Hostafont!

hostafont

And the response from a friend:

gchat

gchat

Categories: Neato
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Living Will

July 3, 2008 · 2 Comments

My friend the Prime Minister currently has her living will listed on her g-chat status message:

i want a pig roast, a viking send-off, and i want girl talk to dj the afterparty

Now I kind of want her to kick the bucket, just because the party would be so much fun.  (Just kidding!)

As for myself, I’d like a bag-pipe processional march; a video montage set to Tori Amos; and an obituary contest, where all of my friends and family are limited to pay tribute to my life in 10 words or less, and then read them aloud single-file at a podium.  (Biggest laugh wins).  Afterparty is a drunken Irish wake, where everyone takes turns sharing their grievances against me (i.e. unpaid debts) and shake their fists at my memory.   Sloppiness encouraged.  All of my worldly possessions go to my sister Melanie (which basically means my iMac).

Categories: Snarky
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Makes me angry

July 2, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Jesus Cristo this has gotten expensive:

Master of International Affairs (MIA)

2008                           2009                Percentage Increase

Tuition and Fees:                  $38,449                                 $39,036                           1.53%

Room and Board:                   $13,950                                 $14,400                           3.22%

Books:                                   $ 1,500                                  $ 1,500                            0.00%

Personal Expenses/Travel:    $ 3,195                                  $ 5,080                           58.99%

Total Expected Costs:    $57,094                         $60,016                     5.12%

I’m obviously not too stoked on a 5.12% expected increase in cost of attendance at what was already one of the most expensive schools in the country.  The big jump in personal expenses comes from “travel,” which (all of a sudden) factors into the expense of, yannow, moving across the country for 9 months, visiting family for the holidays, then moving somewhere else for a 3 month internship.

Of course, I’ve been offered no work study and am still on the wait-list for fellowships.  SIPA advertises that “approximately 70% of the second-year class receives a SIPA fellowship award, averaging $18,000 per award.”  Well, I had a first-semester GPA of 3.59 (3 A-’s and a B+) while working 20 hours per week and thus far I’ve gotten nada.  Zilch.  Squat.  And if I’m not in the top 70% of my class, I’ll eat my freaking hat.

Like I said… not happy.

Categories: graduate school
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Doppel-namer

June 30, 2008 · 1 Comment

From time to time I’ll do a google search of my own name to see if there’s anything on the internets that might preclude me from a.) being brought in for an interview or b.) being met for a blind date.

MY personal page is not a top hit… but this guy’s page is…

So without further ado…Introducing… my doppel-namer!

Jon Host <mcfuckinjon>

I like girlz dat r hot sxc an fun like drum n bass,speedgarage,r&b,hip hop,rap,i av a car which iz modified car (which iz in max power mag)saxo n pug 106 u mite c it if i snd u it k inabit

That makes two of us!  I also like girls that are hot and sexy and fun!  I also like to spell phonetically!  And my car is also modified… sort of… I mean, after slamming the front bumper of my Previa against the trailer hitch of an Expedition, I had to replace the radiator and bolt the hood shut with those sick racing pins.  They eventually rusted over though.  Oh, and my mini-van would drift from time to time.  You might see it if I send you it, because I also considered inhabiting it.

Films: 2 fast 2 furious tokyo drift, alll of da american piez, 8 mile an stuff lyk dat

Hmmm… I was more about the original 2F2F.  Vin Diesel in his finest performance IMHO.  Also, if you like “all of da american piez,” does that include the Madonna cover?  How about the shitty spin offs that went straight to DVD?

Sports: football, basket balll, ma quad bike, mi scramberler

What is a scramberler?

Scared Of: nuffin man!!

I also fear the muffin man.

Happiest When: i get ma car smashed up den i get anofa 1 !!!an wen i get fuked up lol

Do those things tend to happen at the same time?  Like, can we venn diagram them together?

In reader comments:  Open poll to see who does better service to the name “Jon Host.”

Categories: Snarky
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