Snarky Behavior

Entries tagged as ‘comedy’

Chad Ocho Cinco

September 10, 2008 · Leave a Comment

This guy is why modern sports are awesome.  I didn’t catch this earlier, but he officially changed his name to “Ocho Cinco,” his spanish nick-name for himself (after his uniform #85).

Now Reebok is demanding that he buy back the stock of jerseys they made this season that say “Johnson” on the back… at a cost of $4 million.

Licensing deals suck.  I’m sure Ocho Cinco will find a way to turn this into a publicity thing.  Perhaps he’ll sell his 50,000 jerseys on a secondary market, or massively donate them to charity.

Categories: Neato
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August 26, 2008 · Leave a Comment

From the Washington Wire, about John McCain’s appearance with Daddy Yankee:

Many in the press corps joked about the intersection of the song (with its lyrics, when translated into English, are: “She likes gasoline,” he says. “Give me more gasoline!” a woman responds) and McCain’s energy policy. In fact, Washington Wire is told the phrase has nothing to do with the traditional meaning of gasoline.

And courtesty of Urban Dictionary:

1. gasolina
New spanish slang meaning Sperm (Skeet)

Comes from the reagetton song “Gasolina” by Daddy Yankee

Te encanta la gasolina

As Inigo Montoya tells The Great Vizzini in The Princess Bride: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it does.”

Categories: Snarky
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Embarrassing Conversations

June 12, 2008 · 1 Comment

Filed Under:  Conversations that, had they hypothetically occurred last night, would have been tremendously embarrassing.

[Outside Patio at Wonderland Ballroom]

Me:  I could totally live in a van for 9 months.  Think about how much money I would save!  Almost ten grand!

Friend:  But what if you wanted to take a shower?

Me:  I’m already paying for gym access to Columbia, I could wake up early every morning, go the the gym, shower, brush my teeth, and be good to go!

Friend:  But what if you got home after the gym closed and you needed to shower?

Me:  The gym is open until like midnight, I’d be fine.

Friend:  But what if you pooed your pants?

Me:  I’ve only pooed my pants one time in the last 15 years, that risk is pretty small.  I mean, small enough where I shouldn’t be making long-term decisions based around it.

Friend:  That’s a misleading statement.  It makes it sound like the last time you pooed your pants was when you were ten.

Me:  No, I pooed my pants all the time when I was ten.  I’m just saying since then, I’ve only pooed my pants once.  [Notices eavesdropping girl on sidewalk, unlocking bike from fence.]  Not that I’m particularly proud of that time of my life.  Or the time last year when I pooed my pants…. [awkward silence]… I’m going to get another beer.

[Eavesdropping girl on sidewalk, to Friend]:  Are you going to still talk to that guy?

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Fresh Prince 2.0

June 5, 2008 · 1 Comment

Now that school is over I’ve had a lot more time to mindlessly watch whatever is on television.  About two weeks ago I stumbled upon a program starring Flavor Flav titled “Under One Roof.”  Here is the show’s plot, via wikipedia:

Calvester and Winston Hill act like they are from opposite sides of the track when they actually just grew up on opposite sides of the room. Years later*, Winston is a successful and wealthy real estate developer with a perfect and privileged family, but his life gets interrupted when his street smart**, older brother Calvester finally gets out of prison and moves into the mansion.

It’s not long before Calvester begins parading his old prison cronies through the house driving the Hill family crazy – butting heads with Winston’s trophy wife Ashley (Carrie Genzel); 17-year-old daughter, Heather (Marie Michel); and housekeeper Su Ho (Emily Kuroda). Calvester even teaches Winston’s 16-year-old son, Winston Jr. (Jesse Reid) to be a gangster rapper.

Within, oh, three seconds of watching this show, you think to yourself, “Hey!  They frickin’ ripped this off from Fresh Prince of Bel Air!”

Musical intro that explains the backstory?  Check.  Upper class Black father?  Check.  Nerdy/preppy son and ditzy/pretty daughter?  Check and check.

British butler?  No check!  They’ve replaced Jeffrey with an Asian maid named “Su Ho.”  In one scene, while being served dinner, the father asks:  “this isn’t dog, is it?”  (Laugh track).  Clearly upset by his prejudice, Su Ho launches into a heart-felt diatribe of broken enrish… “Me sil is a pelson with feerings, me sil is a human bering” (Laugh track).  (The actress, Emily Kuroda, has won an award from the East West Player’s theater association, an organization that strives to “further cultural understanding between the East and West by employing the dual Oriental and American heritages of the East-West Players.”  Suffice it to say that I don’t believe she won the award for her portrayal of “Su Ho.”  No further comment necessary).

The wife character (who was played by two different actresses in v.1.0), in a contemporary update to the 21st century, is White.  And uptight!  As you may imagine, hilarity ensues.

I don’t have a problem with cheap racial humor per se.  For instance, I really like South Park, even though their style of humor has become over-stylized — relying on didactic hyperbolic morality tales to shame over-enthusiastic characters with heavy-handed ironic treatment.

The best racial humor finds non-obtrusive or otherwise offensive ways to make cunning cultural observations (see: Stuff White People Like).  Humor that relys on trite and hackneyed stereotypes is dangerously close to being, you know, racist.

Well, I mean, maybe it’s all racist, and the wrinkles of delivery make the dangers more pervasive.  But I’m of the opinion that humor can be a means of celebrating diversity.  And this show just isn’t funny to me.

*Nice transition, Shakespeare

**How can one be “street smart” if they’ve served time in prison?  Doesn’t that imply that you’re not smart enough to stay on the street?  I never understood this term… it does seem like a great back-handed compliment though.

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Lah, lah, lah lah wait till I get my money right.

May 12, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Kayne West Graduation

Possible Titles for Kayne West’s Next Album:

Grad School

Distance Learning

Taking a Year Off to Work in Your Field

Tedious Application Process

Cramming for the LSATs

Backpacking Through Europe for a While on Your Father’s Credit Card


Soul-Crushing Entry-Level Position That Wears on Your Spirit, Your Integrity, Your Ambition, Involves Taking an Inordinate Amount of Shit From People Who Don’t Even Have a Degree, and Doesn’t Pay Enough to Even Make a Dent in Your Student Loans

Peace Corps

Categories: Uncategorized

What what?

April 9, 2008 · Leave a Comment

You’re welcome.

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On Pidgin English

April 6, 2008 · Leave a Comment

A friend and I were talking on the train the other day about how horrendous the New York Post’s headline articles can be.  We’ve noticed the devolution of written English… not due to text messaging and e-mail, as so many have others have speculated… but due to LOL catz.

Yes, secretaries, mousey college girls, soccer stay-at-homes, and other future cat-women have ruined our great language.  But instead of lamenting, I will make the easy joke:


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On…Stuff Asian People Like

April 2, 2008 · Leave a Comment

G-chat discussion on Stuff Asian People Like:

xxx: sadly this is not as well written as stuff white ppl like

probably bc english is the second language here
if it were written in math it would be better
or javascript
xxx: totally
or written as a physics theory
is that even a thing?
i’m a bad asian
As long as we’re ironically treating ethnic stereo-types, it should be mentioned that this idea, while comically brilliant, has honestly been pretty poorly executed.  That’s the compromise of the low entry barriers to publishing on the internet, I suppose.  Read more on that discussion here.

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…and then that happened

January 7, 2008 · Leave a Comment

I could watch this every day for the rest of my life and EVERY TIME get that awkward feeling (you know, when you wince and motion to change the channel even when you’re not holding a remote, kind of like when you’re riding passenger side in an NYC cab and stepping on your phantom breaks at every intersection).  YEAHHHH!

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I’m Just a Regular Everyday Normal Guy

December 6, 2007 · Leave a Comment

 I am only slightly offended that multiple parties naturally thought of me after watching this.

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