Snarky Behavior

Entries tagged as ‘humor’

Hilarious

August 26, 2008 · Leave a Comment

From the Washington Wire, about John McCain’s appearance with Daddy Yankee:

Many in the press corps joked about the intersection of the song (with its lyrics, when translated into English, are: “She likes gasoline,” he says. “Give me more gasoline!” a woman responds) and McCain’s energy policy. In fact, Washington Wire is told the phrase has nothing to do with the traditional meaning of gasoline.

And courtesty of Urban Dictionary:

1. gasolina
New spanish slang meaning Sperm (Skeet)

Comes from the reagetton song “Gasolina” by Daddy Yankee

Te encanta la gasolina

As Inigo Montoya tells The Great Vizzini in The Princess Bride: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it does.”

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Big Buck Hunter

July 29, 2008 · Leave a Comment

The Circle of Life

The Circle of Life

As many of you may or may not know, I am a huge fan of the arcade/bar game “Big Buck Hunter.”  There’s just something epic about getting drunk and shooting large game with a shotgun.  The Safari edition is even better.

Last night we had tentative plans to play at The Big Hunt (awesomely appropriate).  Of course the plans didn’t materialize, as plans rarely do, but I woke up this morning to find that my friend the Prime Minister had sent out the following e-mail:

i came home and watched the lion king… is it wrong that i wanted to shoot the whole cast during the “circle of life” song?

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Frankly, I find this to be offensive…

July 14, 2008 · 3 Comments

What are you implying, facebook?

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An E-Mail to Get You through the Day

July 14, 2008 · 4 Comments

From my friend Nick D., who has fully justified his pursuit of a PhD in English Literature, by the composition of a top 10 e-mail of recent memory:

so, i’m currently sitting in the park slope branch of the brooklyn public library, and my day has just been made by a wizened old woman who–only a few short moments ago–walked up to the information desk across the room and whisper-shouted, loud enough to garner the attention of every other person in the building, the words i’ve been waiting my whole life to hear: “WHERE ARE THE JIMMY BUFFETT BOOKS?!”

beleaguered by time and stooped with age, this woman nonetheless evinced a startling and fiery passion for the man who wrote “cheeseburger in paradise.”  i have no doubt that it could have fueled a thousand propane grills.  god bless her parrot-heart.

i hope you will reflect on this story, and feel free to draw your own morals.

happy monday,
nick d.

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Team Building

June 19, 2008 · 4 Comments

My office is celebrating its annual anniversary by doing one of those team-building exercises (think: Outward Bound).

At the staff meeting at which this activity was announced, somebody asked what type of clothing we should wear.  It was suggested that we dress in “clothes you might garden in.”

Now, I’ve lived in either a dorm or an apartment since 2001.  As I don’t subscribe to Sunset Magazine, I’m not quite up to date with the latest in horticultural fashion.

I wonder though, is this appropriate?

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Embarrassing Conversations

June 12, 2008 · 1 Comment

Filed Under:  Conversations that, had they hypothetically occurred last night, would have been tremendously embarrassing.

[Outside Patio at Wonderland Ballroom]

Me:  I could totally live in a van for 9 months.  Think about how much money I would save!  Almost ten grand!

Friend:  But what if you wanted to take a shower?

Me:  I’m already paying for gym access to Columbia, I could wake up early every morning, go the the gym, shower, brush my teeth, and be good to go!

Friend:  But what if you got home after the gym closed and you needed to shower?

Me:  The gym is open until like midnight, I’d be fine.

Friend:  But what if you pooed your pants?

Me:  I’ve only pooed my pants one time in the last 15 years, that risk is pretty small.  I mean, small enough where I shouldn’t be making long-term decisions based around it.

Friend:  That’s a misleading statement.  It makes it sound like the last time you pooed your pants was when you were ten.

Me:  No, I pooed my pants all the time when I was ten.  I’m just saying since then, I’ve only pooed my pants once.  [Notices eavesdropping girl on sidewalk, unlocking bike from fence.]  Not that I’m particularly proud of that time of my life.  Or the time last year when I pooed my pants…. [awkward silence]… I’m going to get another beer.

[Eavesdropping girl on sidewalk, to Friend]:  Are you going to still talk to that guy?

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Fresh Prince 2.0

June 5, 2008 · 1 Comment

Now that school is over I’ve had a lot more time to mindlessly watch whatever is on television.  About two weeks ago I stumbled upon a program starring Flavor Flav titled “Under One Roof.”  Here is the show’s plot, via wikipedia:

Calvester and Winston Hill act like they are from opposite sides of the track when they actually just grew up on opposite sides of the room. Years later*, Winston is a successful and wealthy real estate developer with a perfect and privileged family, but his life gets interrupted when his street smart**, older brother Calvester finally gets out of prison and moves into the mansion.

It’s not long before Calvester begins parading his old prison cronies through the house driving the Hill family crazy – butting heads with Winston’s trophy wife Ashley (Carrie Genzel); 17-year-old daughter, Heather (Marie Michel); and housekeeper Su Ho (Emily Kuroda). Calvester even teaches Winston’s 16-year-old son, Winston Jr. (Jesse Reid) to be a gangster rapper.

Within, oh, three seconds of watching this show, you think to yourself, “Hey!  They frickin’ ripped this off from Fresh Prince of Bel Air!”

Musical intro that explains the backstory?  Check.  Upper class Black father?  Check.  Nerdy/preppy son and ditzy/pretty daughter?  Check and check.

British butler?  No check!  They’ve replaced Jeffrey with an Asian maid named “Su Ho.”  In one scene, while being served dinner, the father asks:  “this isn’t dog, is it?”  (Laugh track).  Clearly upset by his prejudice, Su Ho launches into a heart-felt diatribe of broken enrish… “Me sil is a pelson with feerings, me sil is a human bering” (Laugh track).  (The actress, Emily Kuroda, has won an award from the East West Player’s theater association, an organization that strives to “further cultural understanding between the East and West by employing the dual Oriental and American heritages of the East-West Players.”  Suffice it to say that I don’t believe she won the award for her portrayal of “Su Ho.”  No further comment necessary).

The wife character (who was played by two different actresses in v.1.0), in a contemporary update to the 21st century, is White.  And uptight!  As you may imagine, hilarity ensues.

I don’t have a problem with cheap racial humor per se.  For instance, I really like South Park, even though their style of humor has become over-stylized — relying on didactic hyperbolic morality tales to shame over-enthusiastic characters with heavy-handed ironic treatment.

The best racial humor finds non-obtrusive or otherwise offensive ways to make cunning cultural observations (see: Stuff White People Like).  Humor that relys on trite and hackneyed stereotypes is dangerously close to being, you know, racist.

Well, I mean, maybe it’s all racist, and the wrinkles of delivery make the dangers more pervasive.  But I’m of the opinion that humor can be a means of celebrating diversity.  And this show just isn’t funny to me.

*Nice transition, Shakespeare

**How can one be “street smart” if they’ve served time in prison?  Doesn’t that imply that you’re not smart enough to stay on the street?  I never understood this term… it does seem like a great back-handed compliment though.

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Like.com

June 2, 2008 · Leave a Comment

So apparently like.com found some algorithm to match your facebook profile picture with an item that you might like, based on your appearance.

I was excited by this and clicked around for a bit to see what my targeted ads generated.  The results?  Grey adidas shoes, wraparound sunglasses, two ads for “big beautiful single women,” and this:

Kermit bad decision

We’ve all been there, Kermit.

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Something Good

April 18, 2008 · Leave a Comment

It was the freshest move I’ve ever seen… it was like he was floating on air!

Thanks to John for sending me this.

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On Pidgin English

April 6, 2008 · Leave a Comment

A friend and I were talking on the train the other day about how horrendous the New York Post’s headline articles can be.  We’ve noticed the devolution of written English… not due to text messaging and e-mail, as so many have others have speculated… but due to LOL catz.

Yes, secretaries, mousey college girls, soccer stay-at-homes, and other future cat-women have ruined our great language.  But instead of lamenting, I will make the easy joke:

Sptizer

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