Snarky Behavior

Entries tagged as ‘roommates’

Ask the Readers: New Apartment

August 25, 2008 · 5 Comments

Ok, so I’m moving into a new apartment on September 1st.  Both my roommate and I are moving from out of state, and neither of us has much in terms of worldly possessions.

We’ve already each secured a bed, table/chairs, and a chair for the living room.  I’ve also secured a desk and bookshelf.  But we need a lot of other stuff.  Off the top of my head:

  1. Wireless router
  2. Couch
  3. End tables
  4. Coffee Table
  5. Iron/Ironing Board
  6. Swifter
  7. Cleaning supplies (including sponges, rags, hand/dish soap, plunger and toilet cleaner)
  8. Toilet Paper and Paper Towels/holder
  9. Trash cans and bags (bathroom/kitchen)
  10. Tool set
  11. Cookware (pots/pans/cutlery/utensils/plates/glasses/bowls)
  12. Shower lining and rings
  13. Bath mat

Is there anything else I’ve forgotten?  What are the best means of securing these items?  Have at it in the comments…

Categories: Neato
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Allocating the Rights to Joint Furniture Purchases

July 7, 2008 · Leave a Comment

From Marginal Revolution:

Adam, another reader, asks, in a separate email, how friendly roommates should allocate the rights to joint furniture purchases.

1. Ideally, one person should purchase/provide everything, and the other roommates should pay depreciation costs up front in the form of transportation fees (i.e. renting a van/car/movers).

2. Split the costs with crass cash transfers, and divvy the earnings when the furniture is sold off in the distant future; or, if one roommate would like to hold on to the furniture, he/she buys out the other stakeholders.

Categories: Opinion
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A Day in the Life #1

January 29, 2008 · 1 Comment

I know I promised this would never become a lame live journal.  But sometimes, New York is just too weird NOT to share.

Tonight, on my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth before bed, I heard what could only be described as the throngs of a furious masturbatory sesh, coming from behind my roommates door.

It took me a moment to realize: he’s a piano student, practicing on his keyboard, with earphones on.

Phew.

Categories: Uncategorized
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Happy Holidays!

December 17, 2007 · Leave a Comment

Happy Holidays everybody! A special video Christmas card from my former roommates…

View last year’s version here.

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FILE UNDER: NO LONGER HOMELESS

August 21, 2007 · 3 Comments

So I FINALLY did it… I landed a place to live!

After all the bitching and moaning I’ve done over the last month, in the end the place I nabbed worked itself out so quickly and smoothly, that I’m kind of still in shock.

It’s weird. I’m actually kind of angry that it was SO easy (please excuse lame live-journal nature of this post again, but I owe this to my friends after how much they listened to me whine):

On the way over to see what I considerd to be a “safety” apartment, I got a call that the beautiful brownstone 2 BR for $1000 on 142nd/Broadway that I was #2 for had been claimed. Only minutes later, I was talking numbers on a very nice 3 BR on 123rd and La Salle for $1150. The place was mine if I wanted it. The thing was, there were two other people coming over within ten minutes to see the same room. So I took it. And that was that.

Now… $1150 is at the tippy-top of my price-range. I have no idea how much I can afford as a student, but considering I have no salary currently and it’s a $400 jump from my previous apartment… I would guess I can’t afford this place. Priority #1 has shifted to: finding a PT job.

The factors that sold me were: the size of the room, the responsible nature of my future roommate, the quality of the apartment, the fact utilities were included (which is about $70-100 in and of itself), laundry in the building, the furnishings, and most importantly, THE LOCATION. A 10 minute walk to school is MONEY.

The feeling is very much akin to pursuing someone who is out of your league… wearing her down over time with your half-wit and charm…only to discover that the sex is terrible. (Or what I imagine that feeling might be like, since I am a born-again virgin with little to no “game”.)

Anywho… tomorrow I’ll write about the glee of finding a place, if I find time. Gotta go now.

Categories: Uncategorized
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Update: Housing Search

August 20, 2007 · 2 Comments

I’m currently in the musical chair limbo of: “I can’t promise you the room, but if x happens, you’ll be the first to know.” If blogger had a summation notation function I would express the probability of x happening as a downward sloping asymptote hovering slightly above 0. It sucks.

At this point the search is so utterly despairing that it is full-circle amusing. Here’s one of my favorites so far:

Picture this: A man who sounds like he’s in his late 60s, early 70s has a mansion of an apartment– 8 bedrooms in fact– overlooking Central Park on the West Side. He has presumbably lived in this apartment, which is rent-controlled, for some time, and rents almost exclusively to students to meet the income levels necessary to keep the place.

So essentially this apartment is Real World New York… plus a creepy old man. The apartment is 7 twenty-something students… and an old Shomer Shabis Jew who prefers that you don’t drink alcohol in the apartment on Friday or Saturday. Hilarious.

When I told my friend Adam about this apartment, he responded with this video:

The thing is… I’m DESPERATE to live there. But again, I’m second in line. So frustrating. Will keep you all posted.

Categories: Uncategorized
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Lame Live Journal Post

August 19, 2007 · 2 Comments

Yeah I hate lame live journals, but I won’t have time over the next few weeks to write anything of substance until I find a place to live. So here’s a quickie:

Yesterday was Harlem Day, and I was in the area checking out some apartments (no luck). I witnessed the greatest spectacle on earth:

1) A block party
2.) A James Brown impersonator in a red velvateen jumpsuit, sweating like a whore in church on Sunday
3.) A rectangle of people, roughly 12 tall by 80 long, doing the electric slide over two city blocks.

Kicking myself over and over and over and over again for not buying a cell phone with video capabilities.

UPDATE:

Someone else had the presence of mind and technology to capture this!!!! Thank God for YouTube!!!

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Snarky Heuristics: Listing an Apartment on Craigslist

August 15, 2007 · 2 Comments

Snarky Heuristics: Where I snarkily define rules of thumb for social situations and occassions.

I probably won’t give this subject the manifesto it deserves because I’m so stressed out actually trying to find a room to rent. But there needs to be an ettiquette for people listing a room on Craig’s List, and the following would be a good start:

1. The Post Title
These are the things I need to know up front: Price, Room Size, Cross-streets. That’s it. I don’t need to know ROOMMATE NEEDED. Believe it or not, dumbass, that was implied when I entered the forum on “rooms & shares.”

Also… if you’re only looking for a certain type of person (i.e. gay or female, i.e. not me), SAY SO UP FRONT. There’s nothing worse than reading through 400 words, imagining myself living in some fantastic apartment on the Upper West Side, and then stumbling upon “females only please.” Or getting hot and bothered about a great deal in Harlem only to find out that the two guys are looking for a Tom Cruise to their Feathers and Cadillac.

2. If you’re charging over $1000, I’m going to need to see a photo of the room
I’m sorry, if you can afford to pay $1000 month for rent, you undoubtedly either a.) own a digital camera or b.) know someone who does. Please excuse me if I don’t take your word on the “FANTASTIC, SUNNY ROOM! GREAT DEAL IN UP-IN-COMING NEIGHBORHOOD!” I don’t want to waste my time inspecting your closet in the heart of the heroin traders market. And if you’ve got $25, why not try Apartment Viewer ? (Shameless plug for get-rich-quick scheme #217).

3. Pidgin English is unacceptable
Hey, I understand that this is an apartment listing, and you might feel inclined to speak in some kind of code. But remember… this isn’t the New York Times classifieds… it’s Craigslist! As in, you’re listing your apartment for free! As in, instead of writing 1 BR, SWM, AC, TV, W/D, DM, prft for CU/NYU/CC sdt, you can actualy write in a common language that, you know, people understand!

4. Throw me a bone
Hey, so you’re looking for a male roommate ? Cool, that could totally be me! (You like puppies??? I like puppies!!!) Except that when I call you, and I find out that you’re an 84 year old, kosher, parapalegic, teetotling insomniac with 3 cats, and realize I’d probably not be the best fit. Since I’m allergic and all. To old people.

5. Is your room REALLY for rent?
Here’s the thing about Craigslist… you’re not pissing in the wind. Within 15 minutes of making a listing, you’re going to get 25 responses minimum, as long as you’re not some sketchy guy offering a room for “female companionship” (and even in that case, I’m assuming people don’t respond. But people are weird).

Point being, if you’re listing your apartment, make sure it’s available. Please don’t make me call and listen to you hem and haw about “well my roommate MIGHT be leaving August 25th, I’m not sure yet.” If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that, at this point, I’d be BUYING my own place.

6. Tell me what you’re looking for
And don’t give me the standard “quiet, considerate, tidy, respectful, etc.” unless those are absolute deal breakers. Hey, I’m accomodating. I’m an asexual student $50k in debt, I won’t own enough personal items to be messy, and I’m going to play the part of desperate sychophant until I can secure a place to live. Giving me standard boilerplate for what’s rudimentarily expected of ANY roommate doesn’t give me any insight into how compatible we might actually be.

Look, it’s your place: you hold all of the power, and you should be discriminating about who you consider to live with. It saves us both a heck of a lot of time if we lay out mutual expectations up front.

7. Give me a timeframe and some details
If I’m e-mailing you about a place, chances are I’m e-mailing 50 other people about their places, too. So if you call/e-mail back and leave a message “about the apartment” with only your name and number, I’m sorry but I’m going to have no idea whether you were hous-3748959@craigslist.org or hous-3849583@craigslist.org . Also, when is the preferred move-in day? When are you available to show the place? How long is the terms of the lease? These are all essential details that again, will help you screen out the Mongolian hordes from banging down the firewalls of your inbox.

8. Take down your posting when you find a roommate
Ugh. Don’t get me started… don’t even get me started.

So again, this is not a comprehensive manifesto, but certainly a good start. And if anyone has a room for me, please leave a comment! I’m not normally this big of an a-hole, I promise. :)

Categories: Uncategorized
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Snarky Art: The Scream, Revisited

August 15, 2007 · 1 Comment


If you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re looking for housing in a market with the lowest vacancy rates on the planet, while you yourself have no expected income and no guarantors, AND you’re searching remotely because you have to keep working 200 miles south to be able to AFFORD the move in the first place, AND you have a week in which to find a place, you might relate to this piece.

And you might be a redneck.

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Anyone in New York Need a Roommate?

August 1, 2007 · 2 Comments

The following song should be sung to “Minimum Wage Nanny” from the Simpsons’ Mary Poppins spoof, which I couldn’t find online. So here’s some guy playing it (rather poorly, although I can’t hate) on his piano:

(Damn you youtube for failing me!)

[TUNER TO KEY OF C]

If you wish to be my room-mate,
I will ne-ver pay the rent late!
Fun-ny and kind with time to spare…
[Might I add: body hair!]

[piano twinkles]

So if you’re in Harlem, Upper West Side
Not too crazy and not too shy
I would be glad to join your mix…
[One small thing: No Fat Chicks.]

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